DB: Growing Up

This is your captain speaking

Ladies and gentlequeers,

Welcome aboard the cyber-spaceship. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride... unless you're afraid of flying, in which case have fun, sucker! We'll be facing a bit of turbulence, so make sure your seatbelt cord is safely fastened into the USB port. In case of comment showers, immediately take cover in the private forums. If you have questions, are in distress or have lost the ability to groupthink and are experiencing free will, press the big red button above your seat and an animated paperclip will be there to assist you.

Now that you're seated, let's get to the cheese. I will begin computer school as of tomorrow, and as mentioned previously, the program is intense, with little to no vacation or weekends. If I can hold up that long, here is what will be happening on Undead Machinery:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=3ZP9A-AOt1s

Thank you for viewing the safety video (complete with Reaper cameo and "guess who"). Many thanks for your support as well. Let's see how long this ship can surf!

Goodnight ghouls, enjoy the ride.

- Technical Captain, over and out -

Halloween Contest Extended

Don't throw away your pumpkin!

1st prize: A ghost story about you. You get to be the main character, and elements of your life will be integrated into a sinister short story.

2nd prize: One free commission. I'll draw whatever you want and dedicate it to you.

3rd prize: Your zombie portrait. A portrait of yourself as a cartoon zombie.

Send before: October 31st  November 10th. All prizes will be published on Undead Machinery.

Rules: What rules? THIS IS ANARCHY.

Depression Bunny: Nothing

On the Thirteenth Night of Halloween...

On the Twelfth Night of Halloween...

On the Eleventh Night of Halloween...

On the Tenth Night of Halloween...

On the Ninth Night of Halloween

On the eighth night of Halloween...

On the Seventh Night of Halloween...

On the Sixth Night of Halloween...

On the Fifth Night of Halloween...

On the Fourth Night of Halloween...

On the Third Night of Halloween...

On the 2nd Night of Halloween...

On the 1st Night of Halloween...

Halloween Countdown

*'Tis the season for some folly!* That's right freaks, creeps and scary geeks, it's Halloween season and we're ready to celebrate. Of course, the big day feels like a long day away and the wait absolutely interminable - especially it you're immortal- so the doc has cooked something up to increase the pain.

On October 19th, you'll get to enjoy a Halloween advent calendar! Each day, a surprise will be left for you on Undead Machinery. Just sing:

†"On the 13 nights of Halloween the Reaper gave to me!"†

There is no telling what you'll get, unless you are a certified practitioner of divinatory magic, in which case I ask that you kindly keep it to yourself. If you're really curious, save the date and see what awaits...

See you on Saturday! [insert maniacal laughter]

DB: Laundry Time

One Dark Halloween Night

We interrupt your program for a brief message from one of our fellow freaks.

Ghouls, ghosts and associated creatures,

In this terribly ookedy spookedy month of October, we're all thinking about Halloween. Each and every one of us wants to assure that the 31st go over as drastically as possible. What better way to celebrate than with a frightening story? Children, gather around, for John Kohlbrenner has written a book dedicated to dark younglings such as yourself!

"From a distance, the town of Autumnville never seemed quite right – the area being picturesque while at the same time haunting. It was a quiet, peaceful place to live, but there was a strange feeling that permeated the town and its people as Halloween approached. An eerie feeling that descended upon Autumnville, and no one knew why… until now."

Just take a look at the video preview:



Frightened? Purchase it on Amazon.

Be scared, or be square.

Depression Bunny goes out of the house

DB: Depression Bunny

DIY: Recycled School Uniform

Turn an old pleated school skirt into an even older looking kilt. Because you're just so PuNk you have to wear plaid, feel like a Scotsman, or maybe you're in a folk metal band, here's how to make yourself a kilt:

DIY: Modify band shirts

You know that uber awesome shirt you have that's really extra large? A great deal of you spooks probably listen to bands, and wear shirts, so it's quite likely that the shirt in question is in fact a band shirt. Either that, or it's Sonic the Hedgehog merch you bought at the latest Con. Do not contradict me, I am correct. Notice how people size these shirts to fit rectangles. That's because they are designed using Tetris™, and that is what happens when you let geeks make fashion statements.

For those of you that want to show off your feminine/masculine/ambiguously gendered features, here's the absolute easiest way to modify your shirt besides gluing it to your body.

Fancy Johns

In Death Inc., the characters are huge fans of "Zombie Joe's", Hell's best diner, and rightly so. Not only can living dead Joe make a coffee strong enough to wake the dead, but he can also cook up a mean "Sloppy Joe". Unfortunately, each business has its competition. "Angel John's", located high up in heaven, just recently produced a most holy concoction. This miracle is enough to have Jesus walk on your watering mouth and gluttony rayed from the ten commandments. Blessed Angel John piously presents:

Monster Mash

I was working in the lab late one night

When my eyes beheld an eerie sight

For my monster from his slab began to rise

And suddenly to my surprise

He did the mash

He did the-

The monster mash

It was a graveyard smash

He did the mash

It caught on in a flash

He did the mash

He did the monster mash

Tea Time in the Dollhouse

Take a look at what's going on in the Dollhouse! This morning's photoshoot with Coco and Ruth:

Looking tired

Depression Bunny comics every Monday

Read Bunny's story every Monday, the best day of the week!

Start Now

Lecter's Leftovers

Note: This meal is suitable for vegetarians, and contrary to supposed audience belief, contains no human meat whatsoever. If, however, you are a descendant of rabid carnivores, add chicken or beef for a fleshy kick. Purchase Red Dragon by Thomas Harris on Amazon.

Sasquatch Sauce

"Bigfoot, also known as sasquatch, is the name given to an ape-like creature that some people believe inhabits forests, mainly in the Pacific Northwest region of North America. Bigfoot is usually described as a large, hairy, bipedal humanoid. The term sasquatch is an anglicized derivative of the Halkomelem word sásq’ets.^[2][3]

Most scientists discount the existence of Bigfoot and consider it to be a combination of folklore, misidentification, and hoax,^[4]rather than a living animal, because of the lack of physical evidence and the large numbers of creatures that would be necessary to maintain a breeding population.^[5][6] A few scientists, such as Jane Goodall,^[7][8] Grover Krantz, and Jeffrey Meldrum, have expressed interest and some measure of belief in the creature.^[9]"

A Wikipedia Entry on Bigfoot.

Note: Sasquatch meat is exquisite when marinated in zombie ichor. For best results, cook at 3 600°F.

Dracula's Breakfast

"My Friend.- Welcome to the Carpathians. I am anxiously expecting you. Sleep well to-night. At three to-morrow the diligence will start for Bukovina; a place on it is kept for you. At the Borgo Pass my carriage will await you and will bring you to me. I trust that your journey from London has been a happy one, and that you will enjoy your stay in my beautiful land."

"Your Friend,
"DRACULA."

Blend the above ingredients and enjoy!

"Dear Grim Reaper" on your iPhone!

Read the Grim Reaper's stories wherever you go! "Dear Grim Reaper" is now available on Wattpad with a special foreword from the Doctor for you to view on your computer or handheld/clawheld device. Read here.

Welcome Home

He stared at the approaching ship in awe. As it landed, a huge cloud of smoke blew in his face, and he had to squint his eyes to see past the dust. A light shone bright, and the door to the space craft opened slowly. His heart started racing, but he clutched the handle bars on his tricycle, and sat still, watching. The dust cleared, and a creature emerged from the glow. It was an extra-terrestrial moving steadily towards him. As it approached, he felt his body freeze, and heart stop. It's green tentacles were twisting, contorting, reaching out towards him. That's when he realized, with horror, that the alien was his mom.

"Welcome home Bobby! I made your favorite pie."

Crafts from the Crypt and Brain Food are back!

As for "Midnight Radio", it may have to be for another day (or night). Now, you can check out the Zombie Dress Up Doll, the Dollhouse, concoct something in the kitchen and even send in your own recipes of doom!

Have fun, kids, and keep an eyeball out for updates.

Shop: New item (of ultimate doom)!

Book cases are finally available on the Undead Machinery shop! Step on your marks, get set and go because there are only 3 available. Fear not, however, (actually yes, tremble with horror) for many new book related accessories are coming, as well as a horde of creepy ornaments for the fashionistas - you spooks love to decorate yourselves.

BONUS: A surprise comes in each pencil case!

Is there a book you'd like to have turned into a pencil case or wallet? E-mail undeadmachinery@gmail.com and the Doctor will consider.

Shop: Book Cases

And we're back!

The doctor's in and ready to slide, just in time for "Back to School" season. Looks like you'll be going back in style ghouls and gals, because the next items to show up in the shop will be book cases (pencil cases made from your favorite novels). You'll be notified as soon as they're listed. Have questions, or want to request an item? Comment!

Momentary absence

Dear ghouls, ghosts and living creatures,

While sipping green radioactive fluid from my favorite beaker, it occurred to me that I am due to be absent from mid-July to mid-August. My presence at the Shorts and Circuits (more commonly known as "École 42") test is critical. It will determine my passage into the Shorts and Circuits school, where hopefully I will become a better Technical Captain programming quality apps, websites and more. Perhaps, in the meantime, I should be calling myself a Technical Lieutenant. But, I'm tumbling down the steep hill of digression. What I'm getting at is that updates on Undead Machinery will be sparse for a month. I've always made time for this website and will squeeze in as much work as I can! Meanwhile, there is still plenty you can do:

• Browse the shop, the latest addition to the website.
• Read Death Inc., the story of the Grim Reaper and his teenage assistant.
• Send a letter to the Grim Reaper. He loves getting mail.
• Watch a webseries.
• Read short stories.
• Preview Tea Time of the Dead, one of Bedtime Stories' upcoming books.
• Is there something you'd like to see on the site? Send suggestions to undeadmachinery@gmail.com

As fall approaches, keep watch for:

• New additions to the store: book wallets and weird accessories
• Tea Time of the Dead in print
• Death on vacation: the Grim Reaper's Comic Con experience
• Depression Bunny comics
• News regarding the next Dear Grim Reaper story

I hope to converse with you soon, as we have blueprints on the Underworld's latest shopping mall to go over.

Yours most zanily,

Dr. Calyn E. Rich

P.S: I'm in search of a volunteer to feed my man eating plant. Just ring my mansion.

Opening Shop

Hey spooks,

The shop is open! Let's celebrate with a scary spine tingling sale. Enter the code SC4RY for 50% off on any item. To find out more about upcoming items, read this post. Is there something you'd like to see in the shop, or would you like more information on future products? E-mail undeadmachinery@gmail.com for any questions and suggestions.

Preview the Undead Machinery Shop!

Heya creepy creatures!

This summer, Undead Machinery will be selling spine tingling artwork and accessories online. You'll be able to buy book wallets, original artwork, comics and more. Click here for a special preview and to view or purchase the first item!

Death takes a vacation...

...at the Comic Con Paris 2013! The Grim Reaper will have the pleasure of attending the Comic Con/Japan Expo in the city of lights (actually, nitpickers, it's located just outside the city) during the next several days. He'll be back next week with a full recap of his journey into geekdom.
Check his Twitter and Facebook for more updates about the con.

Dear Grim Reaper > Death Inc. > Epilogue

Dear Grim Reaper > Death Inc. > Page 7

The readers chose ending B) She gets up and drags herself away from the bed.

  Madison did her best to drag herself as far away from the bed as possible. The hand had tightened its grip around her ankle, and she could feel its nails seeping through her flesh as it attempted to draw her under the bed. The light was so powerful it was hard to see anything at all. Not to mention, her room was a total mess. She brushed aside t-shirts, nail polish, discarded pizza, magazines and underwear, looking for something to hold on to. Finally, she managed to grip on to something. It was a chair leg. Clutching it with all her strength, she instinctively hurled it at the hand. It let out an awful screech before loosening its grip. This gave her a chance to release her ankle from its clutch. Free, she scattered towards the end of the room under the desk. It was blood red, all spindly and bony with sharp fingertips like that of a witch. The hand reached out, as though it were pleading for help, then suddenly sunk its nails into the ground. It began to haul itself forward, as though it were trying to bring up weight coming from the light. An arm peered from the glow, followed by a second hand and arm. Eventually a head emerged. Only then did Madison realize, with horror, what she’d done. She hid under the desk, attempting to conceal herself from the disaster. This may well have been the most dangerous mistake anyone had ever made.

Death Inc.

The last page of Death Inc. will be up next week! Thank you to everyone that voted for the ending; bat shaped sugar cookies will be made in your honor. In the meantime, check out the preview for Tea Time of the Dead, watch television, or read some other stories.

A Day in the Life of Death: What Happens When You Reach the Light

Season I - Episode 7

The Grim Reaper on Facebook

Mesdames et Messieurs, gather around. It has finally happened, the Grim Reaper has joined the largest online cult of the living today. You may interact with him here. Be wary, but most of all, stay scary.

A Day in the Life of Death: The Grim Reaper Caught on Tape

Season I - Episode 6

A Day in the Life of Death: Grim Reaper FAIL

Season I - Episode 5

A Day in The Life of Death: Deadly Procrastination

Season I - Episode 4

Stay Tuned

A Day in the Life of Death: What's in the Grim Reaper's Bag

And he's back with a second episode!

Tea Time of the Dead book

Hey freaks! The Tea Time of the Dead book will be available along with a few other goodies this year. 

Summary: After the outbreak of 2012, it turns out zombies aren't that vicious. With a proper diet of brains, flesh and guts, they function just as the living do, and are perfectly capable of integrating our American dream fueled society. Unfortunately, the living decide otherwise and force them to work under dire conditions. Ameela and her undead boyfriend, Bob, sick of the unfair situation, decide it's time to start a revolution. It goes over well at first, until one day things get violently dangerous, and they must resort to plan B. Let the American nightmare begin.