Monday, November 18, 2013
This is your captain speaking
Ladies and gentlequeers,
Welcome aboard the cyber-spaceship. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride... unless you're afraid of flying, in which case have fun, sucker! We'll be facing a bit of turbulence, so make sure your seatbelt cord is safely fastened into the USB port. In case of comment showers, immediately take cover in the private forums. If you have questions, are in distress or have lost the ability to groupthink and are experiencing free will, press the big red button above your seat and an animated paperclip will be there to assist you.
Now that you're seated, let's get to the cheese. I will begin computer school as of tomorrow, and as mentioned previously, the program is intense, with little to no vacation or weekends. If I can hold up that long, here is what will be happening on Undead Machinery:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=3ZP9A-AOt1s
Thank you for viewing the safety video (complete with Reaper cameo and "guess who"). Many thanks for your support as well. Let's see how long this ship can surf!
Goodnight ghouls, enjoy the ride.
- Technical Captain, over and out -
Welcome aboard the cyber-spaceship. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride... unless you're afraid of flying, in which case have fun, sucker! We'll be facing a bit of turbulence, so make sure your seatbelt cord is safely fastened into the USB port. In case of comment showers, immediately take cover in the private forums. If you have questions, are in distress or have lost the ability to groupthink and are experiencing free will, press the big red button above your seat and an animated paperclip will be there to assist you.
Now that you're seated, let's get to the cheese. I will begin computer school as of tomorrow, and as mentioned previously, the program is intense, with little to no vacation or weekends. If I can hold up that long, here is what will be happening on Undead Machinery:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=3ZP9A-AOt1s
Thank you for viewing the safety video (complete with Reaper cameo and "guess who"). Many thanks for your support as well. Let's see how long this ship can surf!
Goodnight ghouls, enjoy the ride.
- Technical Captain, over and out -
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Halloween Contest Extended
Don't throw away your pumpkin!
1st prize: A ghost story about you. You get to be the main character, and elements of your life will be integrated into a sinister short story.
2nd prize: One free commission. I'll draw whatever you want and dedicate it to you.
3rd prize: Your zombie portrait. A portrait of yourself as a cartoon zombie.
Send before:
Rules: What rules? THIS IS ANARCHY.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Monday, October 21, 2013
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Halloween Countdown
*'Tis the season for some folly!* That's right freaks, creeps and scary geeks, it's Halloween season and we're ready to celebrate. Of course, the big day feels like a long day away and the wait absolutely interminable - especially it you're immortal- so the doc has cooked something up to increase the pain.
On October 19th, you'll get to enjoy a Halloween advent calendar! Each day, a surprise will be left for you on Undead Machinery. Just sing:
On October 19th, you'll get to enjoy a Halloween advent calendar! Each day, a surprise will be left for you on Undead Machinery. Just sing:
†"On the 13 nights of Halloween the Reaper gave to me!"†
There is no telling what you'll get, unless you are a certified practitioner of divinatory magic, in which case I ask that you kindly keep it to yourself. If you're really curious, save the date and see what awaits...
See you on Saturday! [insert maniacal laughter]
Monday, October 14, 2013
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
One Dark Halloween Night
We interrupt your program for a brief message from one of our fellow freaks.
Ghouls, ghosts and associated creatures,
In this terribly ookedy spookedy month of October, we're all thinking about Halloween. Each and every one of us wants to assure that the 31st go over as drastically as possible. What better way to celebrate than with a frightening story? Children, gather around, for John Kohlbrenner has written a book dedicated to dark younglings such as yourself!
"From a distance, the town of Autumnville never seemed quite right – the area being picturesque while at the same time haunting. It was a quiet, peaceful place to live, but there was a strange feeling that permeated the town and its people as Halloween approached. An eerie feeling that descended upon Autumnville, and no one knew why… until now."
Monday, October 7, 2013
Monday, September 30, 2013
Sunday, September 29, 2013
DIY: Recycled School Uniform
DIY: Modify band shirts

For those of you that want to show off your feminine/masculine/ambiguously gendered features, here's the absolute easiest way to modify your shirt besides gluing it to your body.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Fancy Johns
In Death Inc., the characters are huge fans of "Zombie Joe's", Hell's best diner, and rightly so. Not only can living dead Joe make a coffee strong enough to wake the dead, but he can also cook up a mean "Sloppy Joe". Unfortunately, each business has its competition. "Angel John's", located high up in heaven, just recently produced a most holy concoction. This miracle is enough to have Jesus walk on your watering mouth and gluttony rayed from the ten commandments. Blessed Angel John piously presents:
Monster Mash
I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise
He did the mash
He did the-
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the monster mash
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Lecter's Leftovers
Note: This meal is suitable for vegetarians, and contrary to supposed audience belief, contains no human meat whatsoever. If, however, you are a descendant of rabid carnivores, add chicken or beef for a fleshy kick. Purchase Red Dragon by Thomas Harris on Amazon.
Sasquatch Sauce
"Bigfoot, also known as sasquatch, is the name given to an ape-like creature that some people believe inhabits forests, mainly in the Pacific Northwest region of North America. Bigfoot is usually described as a large, hairy, bipedal humanoid. The term sasquatch is an anglicized derivative of the Halkomelem word sásq’ets.[2][3]
Most scientists discount the existence of Bigfoot and consider it to be a combination of folklore, misidentification, and hoax,[4]rather than a living animal, because of the lack of physical evidence and the large numbers of creatures that would be necessary to maintain a breeding population.[5][6] A few scientists, such as Jane Goodall,[7][8] Grover Krantz, and Jeffrey Meldrum, have expressed interest and some measure of belief in the creature.[9]"
A Wikipedia Entry on Bigfoot.
Note: Sasquatch meat is exquisite when marinated in zombie ichor. For best results, cook at 3 600°F.
Dracula's Breakfast
"My Friend.- Welcome to the Carpathians. I am anxiously expecting you. Sleep well to-night. At three to-morrow the diligence will start for Bukovina; a place on it is kept for you. At the Borgo Pass my carriage will await you and will bring you to me. I trust that your journey from London has been a happy one, and that you will enjoy your stay in my beautiful land."
"Your Friend,
"DRACULA."
Blend the above ingredients and enjoy!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
"Dear Grim Reaper" on your iPhone!
Read the Grim Reaper's stories wherever you go! "Dear Grim Reaper" is now available on Wattpad with a special foreword from the Doctor for you to view on your computer or handheld/clawheld device. Read here.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Welcome Home
He stared at the approaching ship in awe. As it landed, a huge cloud of smoke blew in his face, and he had to squint his eyes to see past the dust. A light shone bright, and the door to the space craft opened slowly. His heart started racing, but he clutched the handle bars on his tricycle, and sat still, watching. The dust cleared, and a creature emerged from the glow. It was an extra-terrestrial moving steadily towards him. As it approached, he felt his body freeze, and heart stop. It's green tentacles were twisting, contorting, reaching out towards him. That's when he realized, with horror, that the alien was his mom.
"Welcome home Bobby! I made your favorite pie."
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Crafts from the Crypt and Brain Food are back!
As for "Midnight Radio", it may have to be for another day (or night). Now, you can check out the Zombie Dress Up Doll, the Dollhouse, concoct something in the kitchen and even send in your own recipes of doom!
Have fun, kids, and keep an eyeball out for updates.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Shop: New item (of ultimate doom)!
Book cases are finally available on the Undead Machinery shop! Step on your marks, get set and go because there are only 3 available. Fear not, however, (actually yes, tremble with horror) for many new book related accessories are coming, as well as a horde of creepy ornaments for the fashionistas - you spooks love to decorate yourselves.
BONUS: A surprise comes in each pencil case!
Is there a book you'd like to have turned into a pencil case or wallet? E-mail undeadmachinery@gmail.com and the Doctor will consider.
BONUS: A surprise comes in each pencil case!
Is there a book you'd like to have turned into a pencil case or wallet? E-mail undeadmachinery@gmail.com and the Doctor will consider.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Shop: Book Cases
And we're back!
The doctor's in and ready to slide, just in time for "Back to School" season. Looks like you'll be going back in style ghouls and gals, because the next items to show up in the shop will be book cases (pencil cases made from your favorite novels). You'll be notified as soon as they're listed. Have questions, or want to request an item? Comment!
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Momentary absence
Dear ghouls, ghosts and living creatures,
While sipping green radioactive fluid from my favorite beaker, it occurred to me that I am due to be absent from mid-July to mid-August. My presence at the Shorts and Circuits (more commonly known as "École 42") test is critical. It will determine my passage into the Shorts and Circuits school, where hopefully I will become a better Technical Captain programming quality apps, websites and more. Perhaps, in the meantime, I should be calling myself a Technical Lieutenant. But, I'm tumbling down the steep hill of digression. What I'm getting at is that updates on Undead Machinery will be sparse for a month. I've always made time for this website and will squeeze in as much work as I can! Meanwhile, there is still plenty you can do:
As fall approaches, keep watch for:
While sipping green radioactive fluid from my favorite beaker, it occurred to me that I am due to be absent from mid-July to mid-August. My presence at the Shorts and Circuits (more commonly known as "École 42") test is critical. It will determine my passage into the Shorts and Circuits school, where hopefully I will become a better Technical Captain programming quality apps, websites and more. Perhaps, in the meantime, I should be calling myself a Technical Lieutenant. But, I'm tumbling down the steep hill of digression. What I'm getting at is that updates on Undead Machinery will be sparse for a month. I've always made time for this website and will squeeze in as much work as I can! Meanwhile, there is still plenty you can do:
- Browse the shop, the latest addition to the website.
- Read Death Inc., the story of the Grim Reaper and his teenage assistant.
- Send a letter to the Grim Reaper. He loves getting mail.
- Watch a webseries.
- Read short stories.
- Preview Tea Time of the Dead, one of Bedtime Stories' upcoming books.
- Is there something you'd like to see on the site? Send suggestions to undeadmachinery@gmail.com
As fall approaches, keep watch for:
- New additions to the store: book wallets and weird accessories
- Tea Time of the Dead in print
- Death on vacation: the Grim Reaper's Comic Con experience
- Depression Bunny comics
- News regarding the next Dear Grim Reaper story
I hope to converse with you soon, as we have blueprints on the Underworld's latest shopping mall to go over.
Yours most zanily,
Dr. Calyn E. Rich
P.S: I'm in search of a volunteer to feed my man eating plant. Just ring my mansion.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Opening Shop

The shop is open! Let's celebrate with a scary spine tingling sale. Enter the code SC4RY for 50% off on any item. To find out more about upcoming items, read this post. Is there something you'd like to see in the shop, or would you like more information on future products? E-mail undeadmachinery@gmail.com for any questions and suggestions.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Preview the Undead Machinery Shop!
Heya creepy creatures!
This summer, Undead Machinery will be selling spine tingling artwork and accessories online. You'll be able to buy book wallets, original artwork, comics and more. Click here for a special preview and to view or purchase the first item!
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Death takes a vacation...
...at the Comic Con Paris 2013! The Grim Reaper will have the pleasure of attending the Comic Con/Japan Expo in the city of lights (actually, nitpickers, it's located just outside the city) during the next several days. He'll be back next week with a full recap of his journey into geekdom.
Check his Twitter and Facebook for more updates about the con.
Check his Twitter and Facebook for more updates about the con.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Dear Grim Reaper > Death Inc. > Page 7
The readers chose ending B) She gets up and drags herself away from the bed.
Madison did
her best to drag herself as far away from the bed as possible. The hand had
tightened its grip around her ankle, and she could feel its nails seeping
through her flesh as it attempted to draw her under the bed. The light was so
powerful it was hard to see anything at all. Not to mention, her room was a
total mess. She brushed aside t-shirts, nail polish, discarded pizza, magazines
and underwear, looking for something to hold on to. Finally, she managed to
grip on to something. It was a chair leg. Clutching it with all her strength,
she instinctively hurled it at the hand. It let out an awful screech before
loosening its grip. This gave her a chance to release her ankle from its
clutch. Free, she scattered towards the end of the room under the desk. It was
blood red, all spindly and bony with sharp fingertips like that of a witch. The
hand reached out, as though it were pleading for help, then suddenly sunk its
nails into the ground. It began to haul itself forward, as though it were
trying to bring up weight coming from the light. An arm peered from the glow,
followed by a second hand and arm. Eventually a head emerged. Only then did
Madison realize, with horror, what she’d done. She hid under the desk,
attempting to conceal herself from the disaster. This may well have been the
most dangerous mistake anyone had ever made.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Death Inc.
The last page of Death Inc. will be up next week! Thank you to everyone that voted for the ending; bat shaped sugar cookies will be made in your honor. In the meantime, check out the preview for Tea Time of the Dead, watch television, or read some other stories.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Friday, May 31, 2013
The Grim Reaper on Facebook
Mesdames et Messieurs, gather around. It has finally happened, the Grim Reaper has joined the largest online cult of the living today. You may interact with him here. Be wary, but most of all, stay scary.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
Tea Time of the Dead book
Hey freaks! The Tea Time of the Dead book will be available along with a few other goodies this year.
Summary: After the outbreak of 2012, it turns out zombies aren't that vicious. With a proper diet of brains, flesh and guts, they function just as the living do, and are perfectly capable of integrating our American dream fueled society. Unfortunately, the living decide otherwise and force them to work under dire conditions. Ameela and her undead boyfriend, Bob, sick of the unfair situation, decide it's time to start a revolution. It goes over well at first, until one day things get violently dangerous, and they must resort to plan B. Let the American nightmare begin.
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