Friday, January 11, 2013

Cthulhu's Dinner Call

They worshipped, so they said, the Great Old Ones who lived ages before there were any men, and who came to the young world out of the sky. Those Old Ones were gone now, inside the earth and under the sea; but their dead bodies had told their secrets in dreams to the first men, who formed a cult which had never died. This was that cult, and the prisoners said it had always existed and always would exist, hidden in distant wastes and dark places all over the world until the time when the great priest Cthulhu, from his dark house in the mighty city of R'lyeh under the waters, should rise and bring the earth again beneath his sway. Some day he would call, when the stars were ready, and the secret cult would always be waiting to liberate him. - H.P Lovecraft's "The Call of Cthulhu"

Cthulhu has been calling you for dinner. How many times does author H.P Lovecraft have to tell you he is hungry, and ready to eat pasta? So, put that internet back in your pocket for a second and join the cult in making a meal based on a mythical deity:

Step 1- Acquire the following at your local deep sea grocery store or swamp:

- One lemon (do not squeeze in eyes)
- Half a broccoli head
- Pasta
- Blettes
- Liquid creme
- Sage
- Fish seasoning (it's lemony and sort of white-ish, but if you can't find it scrape a few scales off the Loch ness monster for a fine substitute)
- Salt
- Pepper
- Garlic powder (or crushed)
- Vegetable oil

Begin cooking pasta, unless you happen to have leftovers in the basement next to body part preserves.

Step 2- Proceed to wash and cut blettes and broccoli into small pieces. Then, put in frying pan with a bit of vegetable oil, adding salt, garlic and sage.

Step 3- Add pasta before emptying half the bottle of liquid creme (assuming you possess a small bottle)  in mixture. Cut lemon in half and squeeze some juice, without draining it completely, into the vegetables and pasta.

Step 4- Add fish spices, and you have completed Cthulhu's abominable meal.

Before eating, chant:
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
Makes perfect provisions for submarine excursions, when you are looking for new specimens to perfect your human squid, as no fish is used.

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